He told me I was lucky he put up with me.
He told me he was going to kill himself.
He told me it was my fault.
He told me I deserved to be hit.
And I believed him.
No one should feel scared or intimidated by their spouse.
No one should use threats to control others.
No one is responsible for someone else’s actions.
No one deserves to be hit.
I don’t want to believe him any more.
I tell myself these things over and over again.
I tell myself to believe them.
I tell myself that I am a good person.
I tell myself that I deserve better.
I don’t know what that looks like.
I want respect and trust.
I want caring and kindness.
I want understanding and forgiveness.
I want safety and security.
I deserve better.